Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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