Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
