oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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