his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
