Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
