Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
