It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
