I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize