Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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