12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
