I'm lost and stupid without you.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
