If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize