I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
