The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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