Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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