My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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