to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm really busy with my period
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