road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
