I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My feet surprised me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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