My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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