It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
