my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can't put those talents on a resume
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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