The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
