Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
