Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This is classic penis vs brain.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
