D3 body, D1 cock
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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