$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Someone shattered a urinal.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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