youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
