It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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