yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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