I swear she didn't look like that last week.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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