i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
