I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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