I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
