____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
