I wannas sexs uuuuu
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
