I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
