Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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