there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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