just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
