that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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