i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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