This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
