dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
