so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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