Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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