She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
