I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
oh god the rape fog is back!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
