Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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