He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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