Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
