I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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