someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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