Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Threesome in a minivan. New low
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
