We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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