Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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