Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
