your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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