guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
