She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
