that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
