God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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