I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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