I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
