You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
