ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
