We're like a lot better than the average bears
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
