the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
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we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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