i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
