watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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