Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
