Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
