Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
