gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
