Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
